Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's the barista slut.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
