It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
