Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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