I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
