I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
