you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
