what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
