shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
