We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You have to summon your inner elephant
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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