Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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