Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
