So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize