my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We are two peas in an std pod
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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