can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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