She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dicks are not precious.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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