we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
