If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
