I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
