3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
