i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
