Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
