I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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