if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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