At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
