Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
