The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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