"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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