Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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