All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
