I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
