3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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