the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
