I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
