Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
