I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
