Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize