physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
