i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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