Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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