just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
