Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
