Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
