Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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