Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
youre lurking in front of me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
