We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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