her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
