I will die if light touches me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
