dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize