I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
