Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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