Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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