is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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