Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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