When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize