dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
