based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
