I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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