Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
