I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
