If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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