if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
