He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
