all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
