I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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