I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That's intense
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
