we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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