How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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