Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
