i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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