i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So much rum. So many feels.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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