3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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